#dysfunctional family holidays

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[thepeacefulgarden]

[cleosmasterpiece]

I wish I felt connected to these people that I’ve known all my life but I don’t

[aleksgivanov]

Merry Chrysler and Happy Hondadays 🎄

[pureseasalt]

the bear season 2 episode 6 has got to be the most uncomfortable i have ever felt watching a thing. i love it. i do not ever wanna see it again. take it away from me. fuck u to everyone involved. with ur consent, please let me kiss u on the mouth with tongue.

[thespillingvoid]

my mom looked at the sign up spreadsheet for thankgiving at my brother's house (first time he's hosting) and was fully shocked that I had taken the green bean casserole. she doesn't know what to make now. miss ma'am, I love you, but I have been single handedly making that dish for every holiday since I was 9 because you (rightfully due to work schedules) were asleep until an hour before we had to go celebrate with the fam. you dont just get to take it back. I make it better anyways. i've been making it for 15 years.

[fatfemme-inist]

My parents when I came out: Why did you tell us this? We don't want to know about your perversions! Don't bother to tell us about your relationships in the future - we'll never acknowledge a woman as a real spouse.

My parents now: Why don't you ever call??? Why don't you tell us anything about your life???

[clemsfilmdiary]

Home for the Holidays (1972, John Llewellyn Moxey)

5/3/24

[fastwalker]

extremely weird to befriend a very dysfunctional person who thinks they are normal and average and throw a massive tantrum whenever their delusional self perception is threatened how can people with such abyssmal self awareness exist

[twinkdrama]

family function more like family dysfunction

[ask-ursa-tonypeter]

[DB AU Tony] how much of Pyrite!Peter’s life did you observe before deciding he was the one? What moment made you decide that he was the right choice?

Just enough. I didn't need much to know he was perfect. Intelligent, sweet, and still at that age where he needs a reliable father in his life-- Howard and that other version of me weren't cutting it. Watching them with him, I knew I could change his life for the better, and he would change mine too. I love being right.

[thepeacefulgarden]

That might mean... * We skip the holidays altogether * We poke our heads in for dessert, but we don't stay for dinner * We don't go to Christmas service/Mass (or whatever other worship service) * We buy gifts only for immediate family and close friends * We get our loved ones experiences instead of things * We make gifts * We don't DIY our decorations or gifts, or only DIY some of them * We get a smaller tree or none at all * We decline the invitation to that cookie swap that will have us making 3 dozen each of 3 different kinds of cookies * We don't invite certain people * We get smaller gifts for people * We limit the number of invitations we accept, and the number of events we host * We don't buy gifts for anyone past puberty * We walk away from conversations that aren't going anywhere good. * We hang up the phone or log off Skype/Zoom/whatever * We put ourselves on a budget * We learn to say "no" and set boundaries * We don't go see certain family members * We give ourselves permission to just let it be a normal day * We ask for help, and we learn to (graciously) accept that help * We make the gift-giving a "Secret Santa" kinda thing so we only have to get one gift * We send cards and letters only to close friends and family, instead of to everyone and their dog * We accept that our holidays might not look like a Norman Rockwell painting or a Hallmark movie or whatever's going on on Pinterest, and that's okay * We make space for grief and other messy feelings * We cancel plans and don't feel guilty about it * We make time to rest

[uschi-the-listener]

Triggers make the gun go boom

Here I am

Unwilling to live in

This same skin

Ready to burst out

All the scars open up

And weep aloud

Go away

Go away

Go away

Get out of me

I refuse to die of this

But there is a crown of thorns

All over me

And spikes in all my guts

There is no inviolate place

I would like to be

Out of my mind

But no cuts or punctures or destructions

Help at all

Like asking why she didn't leave

Right

.

[things-keeping-me-up-at-night]

Between celebrating Christmas with family and watching the final season of The Crown, these past few days have really been great for observing generational trauma

[he13na]

I'm having bleeding heart empath problems and can't stop feeling guilty. I know it's because of the ingrained people pleasing, but it's messing me up.

My mom is not a people person. She does not like to socialize, she likes to be on her own with my dad and I and that's it. She doesn't like getting together or mingling with people or really spending time with anyone who isn't family because she likes privacy and anonymity.

My boyfriend (24) invited my parents and I over for lunch for Christmas with his parents, brother and two sisters. It's my first boyfriend (I'm 29) and our first Christmas together.

I'm wishing that I told him a little white lie that my parents and I were spending the day with my grandparents, but I didn't think of that until it was too late.

My mom made a lot of food, bought gift cards for his 3 siblings and filled out Christmas cards. She didn't want to and she's stressed, exhausted and unhappy that we're doing this because it's not the Christmas she wanted to have. She was looking forward to and hoping it would just be the 3 of us just chilling on the couch watching movies. That's what she likes to do with her time.

But because I have a boyfriend now, plans had to change and her Christmas is ruined. Because I'm so compassionate, sympathetic and empathetic, I can't be excited for myself when I should be because I changed her plans and I feel guilty that she's going through all of this work to be on good terms with his family and be "nice" and show them that we're nice people. She says she likes his family... but I know she doesn't really want to socialize with them, if she had it her way.

She thinks my boyfriend is "too controlling" for suggesting we all get together. I just think he's sweet and eager to spend time with me, but... what do I know?

I'm in a funk now and I'm feeling moody, sad and wrong. Is this normal? I don't know how to feel.I wonder if my mom thinks I'm wasting my time, or that I could do better even though she says she "loves my boyfriend to death". He's goth, he vapes and curses and she doesn't like that, but... he treats me well, makes an effort, takes me on dates, buys me gifts, texts me good morning every morning, makes sure I've eaten enough, surprises me, watches my favorite movies with me, remembers the little things, tells me how much he loves me (and insists he loves me more!), asks me how my day is going and fills me in on his. He's protective of me and looks out for me when I'm not paying attention, it's almost like our thoughts are telepathic because there's chemistry and we're a good match emotionally. He accepts me and pays attention to my emotional needs, he can tell whenever I'm not okay just by looking at me, even when I'm just sitting there putting on a blank face like a mask and lost in my thoughts without saying a word and he'll ask me about it later because he's so "in tune" with me. He's cultured, smart, artistic, can cook and build things, athletic, has skills. He's the most romantic guy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and experiencing that's not a fictional character.

And yet, because I was raised to respect my parents and family, I care about what she thinks and sometimes I get unspoken "vibes" that she's annoyed with how much we spend together, even though because of our work schedules he and I only get to see each other twice a week. I know for a fact that she misses me when I go out with him instead of spending time with her after work because we're all so busy all the time and my mom gets to see my dad even less than me. I still try to spend as much time with her as possible on days I'm not with my boyfriend, accompanying her on errands, having movie nights. But I need to know she likes my relationship and she's happy for me in order to feel okay... suddenly it's just hitting me? Is this a trauma thing?

I should be excited about getting to celebrate the holiday with my boyfriend, my favorite person, but instead I feel like one big inconvenience, like a big, chaotic train running right through everyone's plans because it has to be all about me. My dad doesn't like socializing either, like my mom. No wonder they ended up together, they're a perfect match.

My mom did confess, tonight, that she secretly hoped I wouldn't ever meet anybody so she wouldn't have to deal with their family.

That's really gross, but still... this GUILT and almost self doubt is really getting to me, and I know it's irrational and I want everyone to be happy, but I don't want to feel like this. She says she's happy for me and that she loves him, but I can sense a weird unspoken energy and it's messing me up and triggering me.

Am I wrong to feel happy for getting to see my boyfriend today and be with both him and my parents at the same time? Am I wrong to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend? This is the first relationship I've ever been in, even though I'm 29. It almost feels like my mom wants me all to herself. I hate that I have to choose between him and her and I can't have both because my mom isn't normal. And yet I feel so bad because I want everyone to be happy.

Advice? How can I cast all these intrusive thoughts away and have a good time today and truly enjoy it?

[robbinggoodfellows]

Rtc characters as thing my dysfunctional family has said this holiday season:

Ricky: Is tomorrow thanksgiving? Really?

Constance: Everyday is thanksgiving if you have the people you love!

Mischa: Ew, gross.

______________________________________________________________

Mischa: u trans? like the former kind or are you one of those genders?

______________________________________________________________

Ocean: Lets make some prank calls, get wild!

Noel: Ok, do it.

Ocean (on prank call) : Not even your parents love you, you stinky man.

Noel: thank god I only called Mischa...

______________________________________________________________

Ocean (about Ricky): He has never had a career, he will never have a career, he's gay...

*ricky enters*

Ocean: Hi, buddy! How's your day you perfect thing!

______________________________________________________________

Noel: Do you remember that Christmas we spent in a French restaurant? That was nice.

Mischa: Remember when I punched Ocean in a French restaurant because she implied that we're in love?

Ocean: You had just gotten engaged! You were literally in love!

Mischa: No we hadn't! Im not gay!

Noel: You told me if you could do anything with your life you'd be on Drag Race, you're gay.